Category: david

The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers)

Insults – they just don’t make them as they used to

So welcome to the test style post for the Sawchuk Scheme, for K2. I think its great as its designed to emphasize the content over the style of the site. Anyway, there is a lot of dummy text here, where possible I have indicated the style used. Feel free to look at the HTML source if confused. Anyway, so then after I earned my first million, I learned how to speak latin! Ulla hendrerit massa sit amet nunc. Donec pede. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Nunc dolor. Duis dui. Aliquam erat volutpat. Suspendisse nulla. Aenean vehicula lacinia lacus. Nulla facilisi. Fusce tincidunt nibh ut libero.

p class=”code” Donec pede. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Nunc dolor. Duis dui. Aliquam erat volutpat. Suspendisse nulla. Aenean vehicula lacinia lacus. Nulla facilisi. Fusce tincidunt nibh ut libero.

Nulla hendrerit massa sit amet nunc. Donec pede. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Nunc dolor. Duis dui. Aliquam erat volutpat. Suspendisse nulla. Aenean vehicula lacinia lacus. Nulla facilisi. Fusce tincidunt nibh ut libero.

class=”blue_hilite” Donec pede. Here is a link!

class=”callout” In porttitor. Suspendisse nonummy felis nec lacus. Quisque sapien nisi, viverra ut, accumsan vitae, tincidunt at, tortor. Etiam nisi libero, porttitor in, ultrices sed, lobortis vitae, lorem.

class=”alert” Danger Will Robinson!

class=”download” The Official Sawchuk Wallpaper

class=”other” Danger Will Robinson!

class=”blue_hilite”

class=”construction”

THIS IS THE CODE CLASS


Netcat: The TCP/IP Swiss army knife

skx@lappy:~$ echo -e "HEAD / HTTP/1.0\n" | nc www.foo.com 80
Date: Wed, 15 Dec 2004 23:05:36 GMT
Server: Apache/1.3.29 (Unix) PHP/4.3.8
X-Powered-By: PHP/4.3.8
X-Accelerated-By: PHPA/1.3.3r2
Location: http://0.0.0.0/
Connection: close
Content-Type: text/html

nc www.foo.com 80
HEAD / HTTP/1.0
[ret]
HTTP/1.1 302 Found
Date: Wed, 15 Dec 2004 23:06:41 GMT
Server: Apache/1.3.29 (Unix) PHP/4.3.8
X-Powered-By: PHP/4.3.8
X-Accelerated-By: PHPA/1.3.3r2
Location: http://0.0.0.0/
Connection: close
Content-Type: text/html

skx@lappy:~$ nc -l  -p 2000 -e /usr/bin/uptime

skx@lappy:~$ telnet localhost 2000
Trying 127.0.0.1...
Connected to localhost.
Escape character is '^]'.
 00:07:50 up  3:03,  4 users,  load average: 0.08, 0.11, 0.20
Connection closed by foreign host.

24		stream 	tcp	nowait	nobody	/usr/sbin/tcpd /bin/nc 192.168.1.1 22

JET Base Salary: 300,000

      →       雇用保険 (koyou hoken) Employment Insurance
保険   →       厚生年金 (kousei nenkin) pension
      →       社会保険 (shakai hoken)     →　健康保険 (kenkou hoken) health scheme

税金      (CO pays these taxes)

      →       住民税 (jyuuminzei) inhabitants tax (町民税か市民税と県民税）
      →       源泉所得税 (gensen shotokuzei) income tax

確定申告 (kakuteishinkoku) Personal Income Taxes

Dear prospective job hunters.

Thank you for taking the time to look at our site, and thank you for
being interested in working with us.

Most applications I receive go straight to the deleted-items folder
because of a few simple mistakes. I’m beginning to feel bad, so if you
are going to make the effort to apply for a job here, or anywhere
else, I’d like to offer you some advice.

To successfully interest me in hiring you, you need understand what we
as business owners face on the other side of the fence. Hiring is the
most important task I face, but it is also 76th on my list of a
hundred other things to do today. When we put a posting on Craigslist,
we usually get around 100 responses within 48 hours. They flood into
my inbox, and I have to push them aside until I have time to give them
the attention they deserve. In the meantime, I have phones ringing,
deadlines to meet, problems with our systems, employees with
questions, and much more to compete for the limited capacity of my
brain.

But, don’t let this put you off. It doesn’t take much to distinguish
yourself. Here’s how :
1. YOUR COVER LETTER MUST ANSWER OUR NEEDS.

When I do get round to your email, I do not have time to look at every
detail. I make quick and rapid decisions about whether I will call you
or not. I don’t even get to most resume’s because the cover letter is
so drab. If you want to stand a chance at getting a response, you
ABSOLUTLY MUST spend some time on this.

So, how should you write a cover letter? – Simple, read our post, and
tell me quickly how you can meet the needs we have listed. Use
examples wherever possible. Take a look at these two different
letters….
An excellent cover letter (5% are like this)    The run of the mill
cover letter (95% are exactly the same)

James,

OK, I admit. I saw your posting just now for the Product Marketing
Manager for Outdoor Adventures and Experiences just now on Craigs
List, and I’m salivating. so I can’t imagine a better adventure for a
career than to market excitement and fun. Let me tell you 3 reasons
you should consider me for this position :

  1. Strong Design Skills You’re ad said you were looking for someone
who can design brochures and other marketing materials. I have 2 years
of design, and am proficient in Adobe Illustrator and Pagemaker. I
have created brochures for XYZ company, and ABC company, and have
attached a PDF of my work. I’d be happy to show you my portfolio in an
interview.
  2. Good communication and writing skills – In my former job, I
regularly led meetings that involved dozens of people. Several times a
year, I would speak for my company at industry events… sometimes to
audiences of several hundred people. I know how to craft a good press
release and have successfully managed to get several articles into
print.
  3. I love experiences – I completely relate to your philosophy that
life is about experiences. I love to travel, and have recently
returned from 2 months in Peru where I helped feed orphan children in
a small town. I’ve never been skydiving, but it is on my top ten list
of things to do next year. Perhaps this is my opportunity.

ExperienceTHIS is a place where I know I can make a difference, and
with my experience at conceiving plans and putting projects into
motion, I’m sure I could impact you very quickly without spending too
much time in the starting gate. I would love to meet with you in
person to talk about how I can help take the adventure to a whole new
level.

Dear Sir/Madam

Please accept this letter and resume for the Product Marketing Manager
position as referenced on craigslist.com .

As a recent MBA graduate, I believe that I offer the skills that are
crucial to this position. My background in public relations, as well
as my formal education in business and marketing from the University
of San Francisco will serve as a complement to your firm.

After doing some extensive research about experienceTHIS.us, I am sure
that my work history and educational background will greatly benefit
the future endeavors of your organization. (Did you really do
extensive research on us??? – no evidence here, that’s for sure) My
work history coupled with my education in business administration has
provided me with an invaluable sense of communication and negotiation,
as well as quantitative analytical skills. Blah Blah Blah

From both my professional and personal experiences, I have developed
an enthusiastic, entrepreneurial, and disciplined work ethic. I
possess the ability to work under pressure and rapidly adapt to
changing work conditions. I excel in both individual and team driven
environments. With this in mind, I am confident that my employment
background, eagerness to learn, and genuine character will prove to be
an asset to your company. Blah Blah Blah

I look forward to discussing employment opportunities with you in the
near future. I am available for an interview at your earliest
convenience. Thank you in advance for your consideration. Blah Blah
Blah

Which one would you call back? – The one on the right doesn’t even
come close to responding to what we’re looking for. If you just
regurgitate a form cover letter from some book you read, or the email
you sent to the last company, I’m going to yawn and hit the delete key
before I ever get to your resume. I feel bad doing it, but I just
don’t have time for blah blah blah.
2. Don’t blah blah blah.
Be super clear and concise. Use the same language to describe your
achievements to me, as you would to your grandmother. For example…

   "My work history coupled with my education in business
administration has provided me with an invaluable sense of
communication and negotiation, as well as quantitative analytical
skills"

*yawn* – This means nothing to me. Compare it to this…

   "I have only really had one job. It was at Larry’s Video Store
near my college. We were losing customers to Netflix so I helped
convince my boss to offer a subscription service to our customers. I
made up a business model of our projected sales, and showed how this
would improve our bottom line. My boss agreed, and tasked me with
spreading the word. I designed flyers and put up posters around campus
to promote our new service. Our subscription model was a success, and
I’m sure my boss Larry would sing my praises for my business and
marketing initiative.

Be clear, concise, and factual. Don’t use fluffy words. Describe
yourself, who you are, and how exactly you can help. – If you can’t
make a selling proposition for yourself, how on earth will you do it
for me?
3. Don’t make the mistake of attaching your cover letter as a word document.

You’re writing me an email…. imagine me sitting at my desk with my
inbox dinging every minute. Do you think I really want to fire up Word
to see a formatted cover letter. No… just write your cover letter as
you would any other email. That’s what email is for.
4. Respond with the title of the job advertisement in the subject heading.

Yes, it’s good to use some initiative in the subject line to grab my
attention, but I sort my email based on subject, and if you’re not in
the right subject, you’re going to get lost.

   * Bad : I love skydiving and work really hard
   * Good : Product Manager job
   * Best : Product Manager job (I love skydiving and work really hard)

5. Win me over by being open and honest.

I respect failure, and I look for potential. Yet, it seems to be
common practice to BS on resume’s nowadays. It’s ok to be proud of
your accomplishments, but a little modesty makes you look human. I’d
much rathe

r meet with someone who admits they’ve failed, than someone
who pretends they’ve always been successful.

   "I successfully led a ten person team to generate sales of $200,000"

Yeah, ok… but I’d respect that person even more if they had the
balls to write this :

   In my last job, I had ten people working for me. It was stressful,
and I didn’t have a clue about how to manage at the time. Two of my
team resigned in the first month, and I found it difficult to motivate
the other eight who were all older than me. We still met our quota,
but I was let go. To be fair, I was in over my head at the time. I
have since been to two leadership training seminars, and I can see now
where I went wrong.

Which one would you rather talk to?

Must get back to work now, but I hope this has helped you out.

James Dilworth, CEO
experienceTHIS.us – Experiences make better gifts

After arriving here in Japan, I have discovered that the concept of
Gaijin Superpowers is not quite as farcical as I’d first thought.
After comparing notes with some of the other local foreigners, on
occasion we have all noticed the presence of these supposed abilities
when interacting with the Japanese. For the purposes of clarity, the
known list includes:

Gaijin Smash – The ability to manipulate the outcome of a given
situation by using your will in an overbearing manner to dominate the
Japanese.

Gaijin Optic Blast – A ranged version of the Gaijin Smash,
particularly effective on trains. If correctly mastered, you can even
get a physical flinching response from your target.

Gaijin Perimeter – The ability to project an invisible barrier around
yourself that only the Japanese can sense and thus be repelled by it.
It’s range and effectiveness grows exponentially with the addition of
other gaijin – particularly tall males.

Gaijin Power (AKA: Gaijin Charisma) – Similar to a vampire’s ability
to mesmerize (and considered by many Japanese to be just as unholy),
it is the ability to charm Japanese members of the opposite sex
despite the best efforts of any Japanese that might try to compete
with you. This power is more common to gaijin males, but instances of
use by gaijin females have also been reported.

Gaijin Telepathy – This is the ability that gaijin use not only to
communicate with each other, but also to gather necessary information
from their Japanese co-workers when such information is otherwise
being withheld.

… as well as a couple of newer ones that some of the local JETs and
I have identified:

Gaijin Locator – The ability to instantly locate other gaijin amongst
large crowds of Japanese people.

Gaijin Constitution – The ability to withstand and thrive in frigid
temperatures that the Japanese consider to be unbearable. Note that
this is usually anything lower than 19 degrees Celsius.

Recent Notable Additions:

Gaijin Invisibility (from Futureal) – Confusing Japanese people by
speaking to them while being an invisible non-socializable entity, and
forcing them to turn immediately to the nearest Japanese person and
ask for confirmation of what the wind just said.

Gaijin Disguise (also from Futureal)- Asian gaijins’ ability to
temporarily fool Japanese into forgetting that they’re in the presence
of outsiders. Note that this nullifies most other Gaijin Superpowers
for its duration.

Gaijin Police Teflon (from kydynamic)- Ability to slip out of the grip
of Japanese police officers by staring at them blankly, claiming
ignorance of the law, claiming stupidity, and potentially involving a
lot more paperwork than the officer wants to do. Note: only 68%
reliable and potentially a way to get in even more trouble. Still
being perfected back at the Gaiquarters.
** This just in from Gaiquarters R&D: rate of success with this power
can increase to at least 85% if combined with the use of high-speed
English, a lot of frantic hand-waving and speaking absolutely no
Japanese. **

The Gaijin Slip (also kdynamic) – When a gaijin pisses off a coworker,
superior, or girlfriend or boyfriend, the Gaijin Slip can be called
upon with a simple shrug of the shoulders and an offhanded mention
that gaijin just say or do things like the offence in question, and
uh, the gaijin’s really sorry and stuff.

Gaijin Stun (from Power-up!) – The ability to throw any and all
Japanese parties encountered into a panic-inducing confusion by a
combination of both physical appearance and use of crappy Japanese.
This shock and confusion often allows the gaijin to get what they are
after with relative ease or have the most elementary task done for
them.

Gaijin Tongues (Futureal again)- Mastery of a language with such
magnetism that people will pay half a day’s wages just to hear it for
an hour.

Gaijin Wa Disruptor (Noritsujin) – The ability to disrupt the psychic
harmony of an entire group of Japanese — regardless of number — and
thereby increase their susceptibility to other gaijin powers. This is
often used as an opposite to the Gaijin Disguise.

Gaijin Charge (from madmonkey) – The ability to withstand the constant
barrage of identical questions voiced by nearly all Japanese upon
first meeting. Anger is stored for use at a later
day when said Gaijin
chooses to relase all pent up emotion in the form of one final
devastating attack.

Gaijin Superhero Creed: Though we are here in Japan on a mission of
peace, we shall call upon the full arsenal of gaijin superpowers to
aid us whenever the situation might call for them. We shall battle our
nefarious foe, known to all as the evil Nihonjinron & his sidekick
Nihonjin Apathy, and strike a blow in the name of internationalisation
and common sense!

<cue superhero theme music>

On the Xebian MythTV Client, change Setup -> Video Settings -> Player settings to include -nojoystick to stream a samba directory from a Windows XP Machine.

 add the mountings nfs and samba from the xbox.

work in progress 

I started this way, but it takes forever time wise on my Mac Mini and
my quality was pretty bad with all the reencoding that went on. Also,
iDVD is not good for controlling the bit rate on the final DVD. iDVD
would record my content at full DVD quality which would just fit a one
hour show on my single layer DVD-R (lame!).