Gaijin Super Powers

After arriving here in Japan, I have discovered that the concept of
Gaijin Superpowers is not quite as farcical as I’d first thought.
After comparing notes with some of the other local foreigners, on
occasion we have all noticed the presence of these supposed abilities
when interacting with the Japanese. For the purposes of clarity, the
known list includes:

Gaijin Smash – The ability to manipulate the outcome of a given
situation by using your will in an overbearing manner to dominate the
Japanese.

Gaijin Optic Blast – A ranged version of the Gaijin Smash,
particularly effective on trains. If correctly mastered, you can even
get a physical flinching response from your target.

Gaijin Perimeter – The ability to project an invisible barrier around
yourself that only the Japanese can sense and thus be repelled by it.
It’s range and effectiveness grows exponentially with the addition of
other gaijin – particularly tall males.

Gaijin Power (AKA: Gaijin Charisma) – Similar to a vampire’s ability
to mesmerize (and considered by many Japanese to be just as unholy),
it is the ability to charm Japanese members of the opposite sex
despite the best efforts of any Japanese that might try to compete
with you. This power is more common to gaijin males, but instances of
use by gaijin females have also been reported.

Gaijin Telepathy – This is the ability that gaijin use not only to
communicate with each other, but also to gather necessary information
from their Japanese co-workers when such information is otherwise
being withheld.

… as well as a couple of newer ones that some of the local JETs and
I have identified:

Gaijin Locator – The ability to instantly locate other gaijin amongst
large crowds of Japanese people.

Gaijin Constitution – The ability to withstand and thrive in frigid
temperatures that the Japanese consider to be unbearable. Note that
this is usually anything lower than 19 degrees Celsius.

Recent Notable Additions:

Gaijin Invisibility (from Futureal) – Confusing Japanese people by
speaking to them while being an invisible non-socializable entity, and
forcing them to turn immediately to the nearest Japanese person and
ask for confirmation of what the wind just said.

Gaijin Disguise (also from Futureal)- Asian gaijins’ ability to
temporarily fool Japanese into forgetting that they’re in the presence
of outsiders. Note that this nullifies most other Gaijin Superpowers
for its duration.

Gaijin Police Teflon (from kydynamic)- Ability to slip out of the grip
of Japanese police officers by staring at them blankly, claiming
ignorance of the law, claiming stupidity, and potentially involving a
lot more paperwork than the officer wants to do. Note: only 68%
reliable and potentially a way to get in even more trouble. Still
being perfected back at the Gaiquarters.
** This just in from Gaiquarters R&D: rate of success with this power
can increase to at least 85% if combined with the use of high-speed
English, a lot of frantic hand-waving and speaking absolutely no
Japanese. **

The Gaijin Slip (also kdynamic) – When a gaijin pisses off a coworker,
superior, or girlfriend or boyfriend, the Gaijin Slip can be called
upon with a simple shrug of the shoulders and an offhanded mention
that gaijin just say or do things like the offence in question, and
uh, the gaijin’s really sorry and stuff.

Gaijin Stun (from Power-up!) – The ability to throw any and all
Japanese parties encountered into a panic-inducing confusion by a
combination of both physical appearance and use of crappy Japanese.
This shock and confusion often allows the gaijin to get what they are
after with relative ease or have the most elementary task done for
them.

Gaijin Tongues (Futureal again)- Mastery of a language with such
magnetism that people will pay half a day’s wages just to hear it for
an hour.

Gaijin Wa Disruptor (Noritsujin) – The ability to disrupt the psychic
harmony of an entire group of Japanese — regardless of number — and
thereby increase their susceptibility to other gaijin powers. This is
often used as an opposite to the Gaijin Disguise.

Gaijin Charge (from madmonkey) – The ability to withstand the constant
barrage of identical questions voiced by nearly all Japanese upon
first meeting. Anger is stored for use at a later
day when said Gaijin
chooses to relase all pent up emotion in the form of one final
devastating attack.

Gaijin Superhero Creed: Though we are here in Japan on a mission of
peace, we shall call upon the full arsenal of gaijin superpowers to
aid us whenever the situation might call for them. We shall battle our
nefarious foe, known to all as the evil Nihonjinron & his sidekick
Nihonjin Apathy, and strike a blow in the name of internationalisation
and common sense!

<cue superhero theme music>

Surfing in Tanegashima

We just got back from Tanegashima where we celebrated Kiko’s Dads kanreki (60th birthday) and relaxed for a week.

We will be posting a ton of pictures of Tanegashima, our nieces and new baby nephew and Kiko’s family. Should be good! In the meantime, look at me in all my surfing glory. (I am also bruised to shit and my breasts hurt.emoticon) But it was worth it…. (ie: I stood up for maybe 15 seconds.)

surfing1.jpg

surfing2.jpg 

surfing3.jpg 

That’s me with Hina and Kana, our nieces. They are so cute! emoticon

Where is Kiko??

I’m all alone here in Kagawa…. and it sucks. Kiko left to visit her island about 3 days ago. I will be joining her on Tuesday, but until then I have been home alone. 😉 (not a pretty sight! I thought I would enjoy the time alone, but that is not the case!)

I would have gone with her, but I have to work this weekend at this years Sport’s Festival. (See here for pictures from last years!)

Anyways, I guess I am just writing this because I have nothing else to do. Lonely? I leave on Tuesday for Kiko’s island of Tanegashima. 1 week of beaches, kiko’s family, vacation, a new cell phone and (hopefully!) baby presents. We should be able to update the site.. (but don’t expect any more maternity suit pictures…)

Wow… I thought this would have been a little more inspired. If you want to be inspired, GET ON SKYPE! It’s like an instant messenger (think MSN/ICQ/AIM) but for voice. Microphones are like $5. Go buy one, its pretty amazing. Google Talk is also really good. My name on skype is davidbennett1979, and my google talk e-mail is davidbennett1979 (at mark) gmail (dot) com.

In the meantime look at my green peppers. I grew them myself.

greenpeppers.jpg

… yeah… I’m not sure why they are red. They were supposed to be green. I think they were at one point… apparently they are edible though….

Take a look at this: This was the Kagawa Soccer team (formerly known as the Sanuki Udons, currently known as nothing). We kicked the crap out of junior high school students. … well, actually we won 3-2 (thanks Jim!) But it’s good to have a team back…

 soccerteam2005.jpg

that is all. 

Sorry, I lied. I can’t say enough good things about this book. It was great! Get it. In fact, click on it and add it to your Amazon cart, NOW!

Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell

Parenting School – 両親学級

David and I went to parenting school last weekend. David doesn’t know much about Japanese parenting, so I think it was good study for him. Now I will soon be 8 months and my stomach is very heavy. David had to wear a suit and see how hard it is for me and my stomach. emoticon

  先週末、初めて両親学級なるものに行ってきました!Davidにとっては初めての事ばかりで「ほほ~」なんて感心したり納得したり・・・いい勉強になりま した。妊婦体験スーツを着て床に落ちている物を拾ったり寝転がったりして、8ヶ月の大きいお腹がいかに大変かを実感したようです。

Davids suit   Davids suit   Davids suit   Davids suit

(edited by David) Here is another one for good measure!

ps. Why the hell did they have to add breasts to the suit? I feel and look and am retarded.

Davids suit

 

The Halloween Burger

Some of you may remember a post one year ago where I complained about a special "halloween hamburger" from McDonalds (that wasn’t actually a halloween burger.)

Well… it’s back. For what the hell… take a look at this:

tsukimi.jpg 

Does this not look like a Halloween burger? Nope. It’s a tsukimi burger. What is a tsukimi burger? Good question. It apparently has something to do with rabbits, a moon and rice cakes. I don’t know whats going on…

sure looks like a halloween burger to me.

and it tastes super.

that is all. 

My Day …

Well, it was actually yesterday, but I had a pretty crazy day. Not only was there a killer typhoon, but a number of other … stuff … happened. Here is a quick summary.

 The Good emoticon

Look at my new printer? It is an Epson PM-A870. It is a copier/scanner/printer all in one. It specializes in photos and also has a negative scanner as well as memory card inputs to print your photos directly. The thing is a beast!!

    in more ways than one. It’s friggin huge. Here, take a look:

 newprinter.jpg

It prints fantastic pictures by the way!! Super friggin excited. 

 The Bad emoticon

MY COMPUTER BROKE!!! Not only did it break a little… it broke a lot. 🙁 I am very sad. It wasn’t my main computer, it was the Linux machine that runs my MythTV server, my phone server, parts of davidandkiko.com (the parts you guys don’t visit!) and held davidandkiko.com 4.0. (We are skipping 3.0 in case you didn’t notice…) 

  What the fuck? emoticon 

So there was a typhoon yesterday, right? Anyways, I wish I had taken a picture, but there is this dog that is always locked up outside of his house. (like every other dog in Japan.) He always barks but is super lazy so just kind of wanders around his little house barking at people half-assedly if hes not too tired to get up. Because my computer broke I was depressed and decided to head out in to the typhoon for some lemon coke. A little part of me expected to not see the dog there, the day of one of the biggest typhoons to hit Japan in a long time.

… he was there alright, but don’t think his owners didn’t care. In front of his little house they had nailed up a peace of light wood. So this poor dog was locked in his house and nailed shut by a flimsy peace of wood that didn’t cover the entire door.

Nice…

Anyways… on a brighter note here are some more exciting pictures. (Yes, I am trying to draw my readers back with bribes of pictures.. bastards.) 😉

kaito.jpg

A big congratulations to our good friends Mike and Tomoko who recently added "Kaito" in to the mix. Look at how cute he is? When my baby is older he is going to wrestle Kaito… or something.

How about a picture of Kiko’s little garden pre-typhoon? She loves it.. most of the plants blew away though. emoticon

 

augustgarden.jpg 

And finally… since I’m all about giving the people what they want, here is what everyone needs. A giant kiko. (photo by Greg!) Thanks!

giantkiko.jpg 

That is all.Love David & Kiko

A Big Typhoon

Since it seems pretty quiet around here, I thought I would try and conjure up some sympathy.

There is a big typhoon heading right over us today. For some reason I am not too worried. Probably has to do with the fact that we are surrounded by a wall of mountains. It seems pretty serious though. It has just spent the evening pouring down on Kiko’s island of Tanegashima. (Which is super by the way…) … we are going to Tanegashima later this month! I’ll be sure to post pictures.

Anyways, take a look. You can see the live updates here.

typhoon.gif 

We hope everyone is doing good. 

Love, David & Kiko. emoticon 

Monster Bash 2005 & More Tokyo

Monster Bash 2005 – Yes… it was pretty exciting. I got to see exciting bands such as Orange Range, Dragon Ash, rize, and Yaida Hitomi with my good friend Greg emoticon. It was a lot of fun! (I have pictures to prove it!) (and movies to! – try them!) (How was it Greg?)

For those that don’t know, I live on Shikoku. Now nothing really exciting happens on Shikoku. However, once a year, a really big musical festival comes to Mannou Park, which happens to be about 5 mins from my house. (Incidentally, mannou is the name of the town I will be living in after Chunan merges with the surrounding villages.) The venue is super beautiful and the weather was co-operative.

… too co-operative. You will be excited to learn that I had an allergic reaction to my sunblock. Stoopid ass Japanese sunblock. I didn’t realize until after I let it soak in the sun for an entire day. I now look like the Phantom of the Opera. I don’t think it will be going away anytime soon (and I have a big C on my chest for some unknown reason.) Stop the excitement.

See how beautiful the concert was…

 

Monster Bash   Monster Bash   Monster Bash

Here are some movies I took at the conert. Keep in mind that these were taken under duress as I had an angry man trying to prevent me from filming.

Orange Range 1    Orange Range 2    Dragon Ash 1    Dragon Ash 2 

This last picture is Kiko, myself and my very good friends Nakanishi-san (whom some of you have met!) He is a super nice guy and took us to Jojoen, one of the best yakiniku (Korean BBQ, read: super good) places in Tokyo. It has a fabulous location overlooking Shinjuku and is fantastic… and expensive. THANK YOU!!!

Nakanishi-san